Love has always captivated the human heart. It’s the force that defines our creation, purpose, and very existence. We were made by Love, for love – to give and receive it freely (note the capital L in the first instance of this sentence). No matter how strong, independent, or stoic a person may seem, every heart longs for a deep connection with another. Love isn’t optional – it is essential to who we are and how we function in life.
The hit song and eponymous biopic from which this title is derived are about a gifted young woman whose painful relationships left her disenchanted with the concept of love. Yet, her journey didn’t end in loss – it became a story of earthly redemption. Refusing to let the pain of her past define her future, she directed it into creative works that inspired millions, reportedly becoming one of the bestselling recording artists of all time.1
Love’s Lenses
There are many kinds of human love: the deep emotional ties that bind families, the camaraderie of enduring friendships, or the magnetic thrill of romantic relationships, to name a few. Many profess undying love in any of these categories, but unfortunately, what they claim is often different from what plays out. It thus becomes necessary to understand what genuine love is, and what it is NOT. God is love (i.e., the very definition and personification of it) and His love – the agape kind – is perfect, founded on truth, healing, forgiving, and unconditional. When human love is governed by this genuine love of God, it purifies and beautifies those relationships in distinctive ways. When it is not, disaster and/or heartache usually ensue.
A friend once shared a notable experience from his banking days; tellers aren’t trained to discern between authentic and counterfeit currency by exposure to the latter; they are trained to distinguish the fake from the real by studying real money. The more familiar they become with authentic currency – its texture, look, and feel – the quicker and more accurately they are at recognizing the fake.
The same is true for love. Rather than trying to identify and validate its many forms, it is often easier to centrally define it by what it is not. Love – real, love as God intended – is not a feeling, it’s a voluntary commitment to the wellbeing of another. Love is a person Who is benevolent in His undeserved affections, one Who serves and sacrifices Self for the sake of the objects of that love. When we have experienced the depths of that genuine love, we can more easily spot its shallow counterfeits.
… Loves Me
God’s Word gives us clear descriptors of true love:
“Dear ones, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”2
“Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. It does not demand its own way, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It rejoices in the truth, never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”3
“We know what real love is because Jesus gave His life for us.”4
And the most popular verse of all:
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…”5
Every one of these verses points to a defining trait of true love – it gives. Generously. Selflessly. Consistently. Love does not withhold, manipulate, or demand; it pours out, fully and freely.
… Loves Me Not
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”6
These verses also clearly show us what love is not:
- Love is not selfish or parasitic. Genuine love gives instead of taking. Anything self-serving, manipulative, or conditional is a counterfeit.
- Love is not excessively self-preserving and self-protecting. It is not rooted in fear; it gives, receives, and reciprocates love within authentic boundaries. It does not build defensive walls erected from past wounds of pain and rejection.
- Love is not demeaning or condescending. True love honors, uplifts, and esteems others, regardless of their stage in life.
- Love is not blind. It’s wise and informed, rooted in God’s truth. For no one can truly love without knowing the Source of love Himself. That said, love at first sight is scripturally unfounded in the way it is commonly used. It may seem enthralling and romantic, but it is grossly misleading. You can be attracted to someone instantly, desire them sexually, be fascinated by them, or be emotionally drawn to them. But romantic love that reflects God’s nature grows through knowledge – through truly knowing someone’s heart and character. It’s never the quick fix of instant eye candy gratification.
- Love is not fearful. It is secure and bold, drawing its source and identity from God, who created us worthy, accepted, and complete in Him.7
Love’s Cycle
Biochemistry describes how our bodies convert the food we eat into the energy required to function through a process called Kreb’s Cycle. Similarly, the Bible demonstrates how humanity can translate the love it receives from its original Source – God – into a source that powers genuine love for others. Only someone who knows God and has experienced His love personally can love another person authentically, for as previously stated, “He who does not love does not know God.”8 When we receive God’s love through Jesus Christ, we become vessels and conduits of that same love. The healthiest love relationships flow from divine connection. When we are filled with God’s love, we naturally express it in ways that heal, strengthen, and give life. That kind of foundational love perpetuates the beautiful love cycle – receiving from the Source and pouring it out to others.
Love’s Scope
Pause for a moment and ask yourself:
Is my love self-giving or self-serving?
Does my love benefit others or focus on myself?
Am I a giver, a taker, or some other kind of “lover”?
Friend, Jesus’s perfect, unchanging love is the only kind that can transform, secure, and infuse your heart and relationships with fullness, authenticity, and healthy exchanges. If He’s not yet the CEO of your life, invite Him to become that now. If you have done so but are not actively living in genuine love, NOW is the time for that to change.
So tell me, … What’s Love Got to do with it? …
EVERYTHING!!
*For questions on how to get to know God personally through Jesus Christ, experience His lif, or to learn how to access intimacy and friendship with Him, please email: graced@thewordofhisgrace.com
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